From the nest

[ifeelsodirty]

I feel like I'm going through the wringer at the moment, which is stupid because nothing is actually happening to me at the moment.

I'm carrying around a large amount of guilt and regret at the moment, which is really just making everything twice as difficult as it needs to be. I have a hard enough time making decisions as it is, it gets worse when I'm thinking ahead to what I will feel about a decision after, or what other people are going to think.

I definitely regret not going to the 36hr. I was worried that I'd be tired for a week at work preparing for a big audit, then shit happened and I worked through it anyway, so I might as well have gone and enjoyed myself. Ugh.

This is a feeling I get a lot. So when I was faced with a second weekend in a row, already feeling terrible, and Weeza suggested I come stay with her for the weekend, I took it, after twenty minutes of mental "but.. but..." . I now feel guility because that means I didn't say goodbye to my brother before he leaves for uni, and I missed out on drinks with Polly, but I would probably have felt worse if I didn't do this, so I think I'm letting myself go on this one. Hoepfully.

Have made a nest on Weeza's sofa and read books and stuff, so yeah.

Going to LARP tomorrow, not sure if this is a good or bad thing.

Comments

[aralli.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you're here -hugs-