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Apr. 25th, 2015 12:19 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ifeelsodirtyI got caught crying at work today. It's especially annoying as it wasn't about anything in particular.
I've been having a lot of embarrassing recollections this week. I think it's due to having to phone insurance company, doctor's and garage to get stuff sorted. My brain's just like: "Oh you're worried you'll say something stupid. Here's everything stupid you've said in your life." That leads into "You know, that was probably really insulting, even if it was a misunderstanding." which ends up at "You're a terrible person." via "You know if you got talked to like that, you'd probably cry, or punch them, most likely both."
I've got most things sorted, so it's settled down again but it's not left me in the best mindset.
Which leads us to today.
First I have a confession to make, I forgot to donate something to Keith's retirement present and have been feeling very guilty about this.
So today was his last day and there was a special lunch and everything. I was feeling very anxious about it. So the other people in the office go ahead to it, and I start to follow, but they don't go into the canteen where I thought it was. So I panic thinking I've gotten mixed up and go back to the office. Then I hear that it's started, but I'm so awkward already that the idea of turning up late is a complete nope.
What sets me off is the realisation that I can't even walk down a fucking corridor without fucking up.
Unfortunately 15 mins later (after a couple of rounds of ok, I think I'm ok now... why am I so pathetic wah) someone does come in to see where I am.
Urgh.
One day I'll get the whole appropriate response thing sorted.
I've been having a lot of embarrassing recollections this week. I think it's due to having to phone insurance company, doctor's and garage to get stuff sorted. My brain's just like: "Oh you're worried you'll say something stupid. Here's everything stupid you've said in your life." That leads into "You know, that was probably really insulting, even if it was a misunderstanding." which ends up at "You're a terrible person." via "You know if you got talked to like that, you'd probably cry, or punch them, most likely both."
I've got most things sorted, so it's settled down again but it's not left me in the best mindset.
Which leads us to today.
First I have a confession to make, I forgot to donate something to Keith's retirement present and have been feeling very guilty about this.
So today was his last day and there was a special lunch and everything. I was feeling very anxious about it. So the other people in the office go ahead to it, and I start to follow, but they don't go into the canteen where I thought it was. So I panic thinking I've gotten mixed up and go back to the office. Then I hear that it's started, but I'm so awkward already that the idea of turning up late is a complete nope.
What sets me off is the realisation that I can't even walk down a fucking corridor without fucking up.
Unfortunately 15 mins later (after a couple of rounds of ok, I think I'm ok now... why am I so pathetic wah) someone does come in to see where I am.
Urgh.
One day I'll get the whole appropriate response thing sorted.
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no subject
Date: 2015-04-25 01:40 am (UTC)In the meantime, *hugs* and you've got a weekend to recharge and try again next week. Small mercies, but take everything you can get.
no subject
Date: 2015-04-25 01:07 pm (UTC)