ifeelsodirty: (Default)
Hey guys, how’s it going?

Thought I’d check in on the life side of things. I am still alive, that’s a good start after 2016, right?

Talking about boring crap - incl. weight loss and headweasels )
ifeelsodirty: (Default)

So I'd seen some of my favourite artists doing a summary of their year in 12 pics, but I didn't do many big pics, so I thought I'd grab some things from my sketchbook to show you all.

Image heavy so it's under the cut )

So in short, I'm pretty happy with how I've come along this year. Here's hoping I can repeat the same in 2017.
ifeelsodirty: (kate bishop)
Hey everyone, how’s it going?
If you could see me walking in here, I’m pretty sure I’d look a bit sheepish. Ok, probably very sheepish. Not posted since the aborted knee jerk reaction to the 24hr. That’s totally not a thing that happened.

Anyways, not really been up to much – such a surprise I know.

6 months on from moving out, there’s still so much not unpacked or moved from home. The stuff I was happy to give away got dumped at the charity shops in March, it’s just the stuff I’m less sure about or that might actually be worth more than a couple of quid I’m struggling with. Also, effort. I’ve had a box packed up to send off to Dad for a couple of months now. Driving me nuts.
Feeling very rundown at the moment. Been ill the last few weeks – A couple of weeks of stomach pain suspected to be gallstones followed by a bout of what might have been mild food poisoning has not left me a happy chappy. Fingers crossed for the next few weeks.

I need to book a holiday, I still have 24 days left to use. Which wouldn’t be too bad, except our holiday year runs January to January. Also, the Christmas gap has already been booked. I’m thinking of booking the last week on November off, just in case I decide to do NaNoWriMo, but other than that I’m stumped. I should just stay at home, but that feels like a waste, but I'm also not sure if I want to do anything. Especially on my own.
ifeelsodirty: (Default)
So 2015 was... I dunno.

On paper, I would say that it was better than 2014, but I really don't feel like that. I feel liek my aversiveness has gotten worse this year. I wish I could say that it's because I don't feel as anxious about the consequences of not doing stuff, but it's more like it's just less useful as motivation. I'm just more likely to freeze up entirely.

This has meant that I have literally had to be dragged into places. I feel very much like I have the brain of a toddler instead of a 25 year old.

In other news, this year I have been diagnosed with low iron stores, low B12 levels and hypothyroidism. This means that I have had 2 months of iron tablets, 6 injections and am now taking tablets daily for the last one. The last one also means that I get a prescription exemption which is nice - I don't know why hypothyroidism is singled out though. I think I've been into the doctors more this year than... ugh, you get the point.

As soon as I'd had the injections (I'd been on the levothyroxine for a couple of months at this point too), I was asked if I felt better. I really don't. Which is a shame, as I was hoping all of this was a symptom of the above, not its own thing.

Anyways, what have I done this year?

I've been on my first work trips and gained a minion at work
Been to Berlin twice to see my Dad
Went to see WTNV again
Drew every day for #inktober
Wrote 50k words for NaNoWriMo

There's probably other things I should say but meh.

I didn't really set any resolutions last year, was kinda working off the ones left from the year before. I'm currently doing the one thing I've been aiming for the last few years and moving out. This does mean that at the moment I am really haemorrhaging money, which makes me feel very uncomfortable, despite it being what I've been saving for. I know that I could have done this a lot cheaper but that requires time and effort which I struggle with at the moment.

So yeah, pretty much the usual wah fest, despite there not being much reason. Nothing changes I guess.
ifeelsodirty: (Default)

I spent 44 euros on chocolates and wine. And only the wine was mine (all 9 euros of it).

Combine that with the seven gift bags that I got asked to lug back to the UK in my suitcase and there really was not much space.

*sigh*

Anyways, I am back from Germany, where I did... not very much to be honest. I was too busy trying to meet the NaNoWriMo deadline and I did it! Hooray. But there was a lot of gingerbread and eis and weihnachtsmarkt and ferris wheels. There was definitely too much pickled herring salad (Why is that a thing?). There was also an awesome vietnamese place between Rosa-Luxemborg U station and Alexanderplatz, on a street mostly made up of vietnamese restaurants. So I've had my fried tofu fix and there was free chocolate rice pudding.

I still don't know why it seems there's a noodle bar on every corner in Berlin. Mystery...

Anyways, with NaNoWriMo been and gone, I am at a loss at what to do. I'm thinking of keeping up with a monthly style challenge, like I've done the previous two months. So I think I'll do both, drawing and writing.

This drawing was done on the plane, so is technically yesterday's drawing and I've written about it.

This is logic I'm sticking to :P
ifeelsodirty: (Default)
So currently I'm NaNo-ing. I'm a bit behind, but I have next week off so I should make 50,000 words ok. This is the second month long challenge I'm doing because in October I did #inktober and I thought I'd post some of my favs here. If you follow me on twitter, you've pretty much seen everything already - sorry!

Really image heavy - just in case you didn't work that one out. )

I guess I'm going to have to find something to do in December...
ifeelsodirty: (Default)
I got caught crying at work today. It's especially annoying as it wasn't about anything in particular.

I've been having a lot of embarrassing recollections this week. I think it's due to having to phone insurance company, doctor's and garage to get stuff sorted. My brain's just like: "Oh you're worried you'll say something stupid. Here's everything stupid you've said in your life." That leads into "You know, that was probably really insulting, even if it was a misunderstanding." which ends up at "You're a terrible person." via "You know if you got talked to like that, you'd probably cry, or punch them, most likely both."

I've got most things sorted, so it's settled down again but it's not left me in the best mindset.

Which leads us to today.

First I have a confession to make, I forgot to donate something to Keith's retirement present and have been feeling very guilty about this.

So today was his last day and there was a special lunch and everything. I was feeling very anxious about it. So the other people in the office go ahead to it, and I start to follow, but they don't go into the canteen where I thought it was. So I panic thinking I've gotten mixed up and go back to the office. Then I hear that it's started, but I'm so awkward already that the idea of turning up late is a complete nope.

What sets me off is the realisation that I can't even walk down a fucking corridor without fucking up.

Unfortunately 15 mins later (after a couple of rounds of ok, I think I'm ok now... why am I so pathetic wah) someone does come in to see where I am.

Urgh.

One day I'll get the whole appropriate response thing sorted.
ifeelsodirty: (Default)
Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurgh.

That's probably now on two lines due to LJ formatting, but yeah.

Urgh.

I don't even know what the problem is, to be honest. Everything? Nothing? Something in between?

Struggled to give a damn about Christmas, but I think I got there eventually. Been up and down about everything else since. Made sure I sorted birthday presents for the mother and step-father, although mum's was a closer run thing than I thought. And then I totally forgot about the bag of mini-presents that were supposed to be stocking fillers but never made it, so actually I could have given them some other little things. *sigh*

But yeah, I keep failing at those little things. And the big things.

I need to wash the car. I should get a haircut, nope, I need to. I need to book plane tickets, actually first I need to ask Andy if he wants to come to Berlin in such a way that is both vague and casual yet an actual question needing a definite answer. I need to wash the car. I need to book an eye appointment. I need to decide which optician to use. The car is due a service. I need to wash the car. I need to send a parcel to dad. I need to sign up for LARP games. I need to decide what I'm doing about said LARP games. I need to visit Gran. I need to be a better human being with actual appropriate emotional responses. I need to wash the car.

Kinda waiting for the frustration to take hold and kick me into gear, but it's not doing anything at the moment. Or decides to pick other stuff to do.

Did a lot of nice cooking last week. Well for me that is. (Effectively amounts to one traybake meal and a shepherd's pie) Ate the leftovers this week. Ordered Chinese last night for aforementioned birthday.

Yay food.

So food and money, parts of my life I have little problem with. Everything else is a nice gordian knot I'm trying to chew through. Although actually, I'm pretty sure this was on the list. So that's something.
ifeelsodirty: (kate bishop)
So this is the list from this time last year. Thought I'd give it one last look, might make me feel bad, might make me feel good. Who knows.

1.
Pass Driving Test - Done, we knew that already.

2. Get Car - Again, we knew that one already.

3. Stop lending - Other than the stuff for Ben when he gallivanted off to Australia, that's pretty much been it, so I'm gonna say this one was done.

4. Move out - Nope.

5. Learn German - I got a good streak up until I left my charger at Andy's so couldn't waste my phone battery... I am back on it now. I know a bit more than I did at the start of the year, so I'm going to say that's been done.

6. Go abroad - Nope.

7. Improve a skill (craft) - I've done some more drawing, which has been nice. Still need to do more, but I'm going to say that's sort of done/

8. Find something to replace walking - I have been LARPing more often, and I did do 10 weeks of fencing in the summer, which was great but my self consciousness got in the way towards the end of it. So I did try, but I'm going to need something more that I feel comfortable with and that's the rel problem.

9. Cook more - It's been up and down, but I've made a good effort at it.

So I've tried most things, and only failed outright on 2. Woo. I'll post the new New Year's Resolutions at some points.
ifeelsodirty: (Default)
I feel like I'm going through the wringer at the moment, which is stupid because nothing is actually happening to me at the moment.

I'm carrying around a large amount of guilt and regret at the moment, which is really just making everything twice as difficult as it needs to be. I have a hard enough time making decisions as it is, it gets worse when I'm thinking ahead to what I will feel about a decision after, or what other people are going to think.

I definitely regret not going to the 36hr. I was worried that I'd be tired for a week at work preparing for a big audit, then shit happened and I worked through it anyway, so I might as well have gone and enjoyed myself. Ugh.

This is a feeling I get a lot. So when I was faced with a second weekend in a row, already feeling terrible, and Weeza suggested I come stay with her for the weekend, I took it, after twenty minutes of mental "but.. but..." . I now feel guility because that means I didn't say goodbye to my brother before he leaves for uni, and I missed out on drinks with Polly, but I would probably have felt worse if I didn't do this, so I think I'm letting myself go on this one. Hoepfully.

Have made a nest on Weeza's sofa and read books and stuff, so yeah.

Going to LARP tomorrow, not sure if this is a good or bad thing.

Art meme

Sep. 19th, 2014 09:38 am
ifeelsodirty: (Coat/Ianto OTP)
So I was going to post something about feelings, angst and general wah-ness.

Then I saw this on tumblr and I thought why not?

Send a number + a character and I’ll draw them:

  1. In what they normally wear

  2. In what I’m currently wearing

  3. In a school uniform

  4. In swimwear

  5. In underwear

  6. With no clothes on

  7. In winter clothes

  8. In fancy clothes

  9. Making 3 different expressions

  10. Standing on their hands

  11. With their favorite animal

  12. Hanging out with a friend

  13. Sitting on the couch

  14. Doing something they don’t normally do

  15. Eating

  16. Playing a sport

  17. Beaten up

  18. As a kid/adult

  19. Wearing a funny hat

  20. Sleeping

Any characters from any media, really, as long as you can provide a reference if I don't know them.
ifeelsodirty: (Coat/Ianto OTP)
1. Pass Driving Test - Done!

2. Get Car - Double done!

3. Stop lending - Mostly done, but I haven't been paid back that much.

4. Move out -Still hinging on 3. Also I am still very attached to my disposable income and not very confident in whether or not I'll be able to manage.

5. Learn German - Still doing it although I've been a bit lax recently. Need to pull my socks up.

6. Go abroad - Still haven't done this, although it would help if my dad knew what he was doing and whether he had some temporary work. Might try for some time in July or August, because I'll probably be holiday'd out in June.

7. Improve a skill (craft) - Need to draw more, I've not doen it as often as I'd like

8. Find something to replace walking - Well hopefully I'll be LARPing more often and I'm trying to find something else to do as well.

9. Cook more - Need to do more cooking. I did some baking last month which was nice, but I've fallen back on everything recently.

Posting!

Feb. 1st, 2014 05:59 pm
ifeelsodirty: (Coat/Ianto OTP)
So last week's IC post was my first post on LJ for two years. TWO YEARS.

I usually at least post once a year, usually with some fanfic or something. Considering that I have a 50k nanowrimo fanfic from 2012 I have only posted the first chapter of, I should really do something about that. Especially as this started out intended as a fanfic journal, with my older one for personal stuff. I should see if that one's still active.

Anyway, I think I should probably try posting something more regularly, on here and facebook and twitter, and it has to be something that isn't "look at this geeky thing someone else posted". The Mary Sue have great posts, but that seems to be the only thing I end up reposting on facebook nowadays.
ifeelsodirty: (Default)

Lilith's backstory
by ~Spellbook on deviantART

Ok, so I had to do a comic page for art class. I decided to do a little bit of Lilith's back story. :D
ifeelsodirty: (Default)
I have finally taken all of the sketches from my olf sketchbook and actually done something with them. Yay!

Including the chibis I drew to explain what a chibi was to Weeza.

Pic under cut )
ifeelsodirty: (Default)

Right, so I’m breaking the cardinal rules of the internet and everything here... probably.

 

Wangst and things. )

 

ifeelsodirty: (Default)
Yes, a bit late I know. But still, going onwards:

Good
  • Warm, tasty dinners
  • Dinner entertainment. Professor Elemental was particularly awesome, even if I did have to look away as he started dancing on the table next to me. Most of the burlesque happened behind my seat, and I wasn't going to strain my neck, so ah well...
  • Getting something to spend most of Saturday roleplaying well - even if it was a nasty disease.
  • Sitting in the infirmary writing in case of death letters in a fevered state.
  • (Mostly)  staying in quarantine - even if it meant missing lunch.
  • Spoonfeeding ~ his dinner - I enjoy it when I get to roleplay Nursey's bedside manner, as other opportunities usually just result in OOC panicking.
Bad
  • Still not able to roleplay skills very well.
  • Getting frustrated when GMs say different things.
  • Losing beads from my bead bag held me up, and could have gotten a lot more ugly as other medics were getting hit. It was kinda upsetting.
Ugly
  • The Major.

Pic!

Jan. 14th, 2011 02:51 pm
ifeelsodirty: (Default)
Piccie. )

Most of you probably won't know who he is, but it's Malik, from WA3.

I shoudl probably get back to revising now.

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